Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
