My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
