Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
