I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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