Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
