don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
