i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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