Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
that is very illegal...i love you.
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