Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
