I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
