She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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