Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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