u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
