hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
