God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
