a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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