I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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