If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
