So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
