I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
