direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
