I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
