Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
