I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
