I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
