Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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