I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
