i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
