I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My vagina just recognized that song.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
