walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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