I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
