dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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