hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
