Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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