I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
