I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
