walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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