We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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