Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
