Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
