it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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