am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You made out with two different species that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize