you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
