Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
