There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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