p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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