he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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