i just wanna soil my oats bro
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
