If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
