Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
