i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
