so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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