I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I don't deserve a penis
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
