if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
