I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
