Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
