Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Your penis caused this!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
