I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
