Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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