The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize