Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
