I wanna passion pit in your ass
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
