Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
