Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So many bounce houses so little time
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
