Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Congratulations! We have a period
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
