I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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