so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
