the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
this boner is exhausting
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Randomize
