i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
