he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
