just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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