I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
