my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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