I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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