I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
