just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
pray to the hookup gods
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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