that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
